I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
