honey bunches of taint.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
