So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
