i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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