I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Couch. On fire.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
