I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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