The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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