He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
