look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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