I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
