I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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