we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
