he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
