She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
