so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
