I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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