Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
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Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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