Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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