you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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