So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
