My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
