when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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