I think I won the penis lottery.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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