He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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