theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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