My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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