I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
