he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize