i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
