Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
