Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
