At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
