soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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