Sry I called you an 8
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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