i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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