I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
