Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
