Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you never un-have a 4some
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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