How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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