I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
