Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
