apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
