God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
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My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
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Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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