She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
