so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
