The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize