im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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