Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
