Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
