is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
