and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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