I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
