Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You are a genius and a whore.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
