he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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