This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
