Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
