is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
