conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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