y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
