I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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