He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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