It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
