hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
