I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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