i will never coherently bang her
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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