I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
