Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize