its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I cannot find my penis.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
