Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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