I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
