Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
