I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had to cum in my sink.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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