Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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