i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
