she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
