i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
