Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
