I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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